I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
