literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
