when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
