I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
