Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
