if only i could text you this smell
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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