Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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