He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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