So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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