Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
