I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
