You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize