Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
