I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
