Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
smell my finger.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
