The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
