Duck Duck Cougar?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
