So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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