This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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