How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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