I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
