Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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