I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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