Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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