Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
