i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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