I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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