I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Houston, we have a blender
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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