I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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