i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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