never play flip cup with pint glasses
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
