the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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