I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
