We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just blew my weed a kiss
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
