I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
