He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
