This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
