Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
