I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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