i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
