Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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