You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
