You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
