im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize