Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
