Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
