Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This baby is an asshole
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
