I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
MIDGETS
????
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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