I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
