I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize