We're like a lot better than the average bears
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
