I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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