If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize