you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
