he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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