Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
