found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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