Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
