the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
