some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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