bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
this is an emotional support booty call
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
