and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
