I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
