oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
