We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We left the knife in your bed.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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