Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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