New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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