atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
