dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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